It feels strange that this is my first pregnancy update when I’m already into the second trimester! I actually toyed with discussing this pregnancy publicly before the usual 12 week mark because honestly, I didn’t see the point in keeping quiet. We learnt the hard way that getting past the first trimester really doesn’t guarantee safety and that you can lose a baby at any stage. However, with having had a difficult first trimester both physically and emotionally I just wasn’t really ready to share our news yet.
Even when I was ticking all the pregnancy boxes I was panicking something was wrong but when my symptoms got considerably easier around 8 weeks combined with bleeding on and off for a few days, I was convinced I was having a miscarriage. Once the bleeding stopped I still couldn’t shake the idea that I had had a missed miscarriage. We had an early scan at 7+2 weeks and another at 8+2 when the bleeding started and both times we saw a beautiful, strong heartbeat which did give me a few days relief. I had to remind myself every day that I bled with Aneurin during the first trimester, that symptoms are different with each pregnancy and that it’s normal for them to come and go. But even with all that sensible, rational thinking I was still a basket case!
As the weeks have gone on I definitely feel calmer. I had to make a very active effort to find a place for each of my babies in both my heart and my head but in time it happened. For the most part the guilt has gone but it does still creep in every now and then. The fear is the biggest negative emotion but from what I understand it’s completely normal. The innocence I had surrounding pregnancy has gone now and I’m so aware of all the thousands of things that can go wrong. For someone with a catastrophising anxiety disorder though I think I’m doing pretty flippin’ well!
In terms of symptoms this pregnancy is very different to my first. With Aneurin I was horribly sick right up until about 27 weeks and for the first 14 I just felt awful. This time the nausea kicked in around week six but only lasted two weeks and then disappeared completely. Now it only rears it’s head if I’m overly hungry or have been in the car for too long. The biggest symptom I’ve got is fatigue. The sort of fatigue that creeps into my bones and the idea of walking up the stairs makes me want to cry. The fatigue hits me sometimes and it’s so overwhelming if someone speaks to me I get really snappy because of the energy it takes just to focus on whatever I’m doing even if whatever I’m doing is standing still! I’m also getting a bit dizzy if I’ve overdone it so regular rests and not overexerting myself is definitely key. This isn’t really helped by the fact that I’m struggling with pregnancy insomnia. At first I put the insomnia down to the emotional aspect of adjusting to the fact I was pregnant but it’s still hanging around. If anyone has any tips on dealing with pregnancy insomnia please share them in the comments!
I’ve always known I would show quicker with a second baby but goodness me, two babies in one year means my body is not messing around! I went from early pregnancy bloat to genuine bump with no grace period at all. My body definitely hadn’t gone back to normal after Aneurin yet so I do still just look porky but I know it’s there! I’ve already ordered a few maternity bits (thank you Yours for introducing maternity wear!) which will be a nice upgrade from the two pairs of leggings I’ve been rotating since week 8.
|12 week bump!|
Seeing our Poglet on the 12 week scan was definitely a highlight. The difference between 8 weeks and 12 is incredible. I needed to see arms and legs and wriggling around both for peace of mind and for bonding and wriggling they were! S/he looked like a little frog sliding down on their bum then pushing their feet against me to launch themselves upwards over and over again! It was so lovely to see even if it meant the midwife struggled to do measurements because they wouldn’t stay still!
Deciding to have the screening for Down’s Syndrome this time was an easy choice. We declined to have it with Aneurin because naively, we thought we could never have a baby with DS. We had already decided that the nuchal scan and quad test was purely for information purposes and whatever happened we would go ahead with the pregnancy. The nuchal measurement came back at 1.4mm which is well within the normal range and the quad test confirmed that. I can’t say I really felt any relief from that knowledge though, I think the relief will come at the anomaly scan when we know all their organs are functioning as they should and when we know that their growth is progressing well.
For now though I have a lovely image of our little Poglet playing his/her frog game and when I feel the fear set in I try to focus on that. We definitely have another very active baby on our hands and I cannot wait to feel them move!
Mrs D x
Look out for: What is Antiphospholipid syndrome and how does it affect pregnancy?
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